Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The struggles of a small town man whore
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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