good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
