people are starting to question the shark bite story
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
