I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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