I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
it hurts more in the daytime
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
