Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
