saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I stole a fireplace last night.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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