I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
