Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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