Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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