One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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