So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
