i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I am naked and annoyed.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
