totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
