so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm getting married
To pizza
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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