quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
