Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
