yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
