I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
