I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
