I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize