i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
