If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Randomize
