I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Randomize
