Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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