Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
