the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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