I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
