As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
