just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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