he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
