This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize