I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
