Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
