Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
