One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
