I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
