I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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