My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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