some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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