Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
