i think my tv is drunk
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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