Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Randomize
