the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
