Just mADE A PArabola og urine
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
