all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
