Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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