I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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