Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Less talking, more tequila
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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