So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
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she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
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i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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