my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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