PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
it hurts more in the daytime
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
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Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
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Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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