i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
