Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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