You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
