I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
