dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
